So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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