Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
