Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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