I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
