happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
