just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
