Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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