i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
