i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
