Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
