Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Say something about gay babies.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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