fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
