Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize