dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're too hungover to prance.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
