I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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