My pussy is not your playground.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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