Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
