omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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