I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
