And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
MIDGETS
????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
