So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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