i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
