I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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