I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize