just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to be your penis for a week.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
