no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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