i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
