i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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