I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
