you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize