Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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