its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
