It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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