Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
