are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
