So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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