Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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