I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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