Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
