where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
