I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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