I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
