Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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