fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
