please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
