ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
