I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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