mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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