he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
