Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
