i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
