Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
