I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ttyl tear gas
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
