You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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