I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
