So drunk its hurt
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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