Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
