I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize