My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
