Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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