Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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