Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
