I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
