Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
