i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The uberlube is also flammable
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
