So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
