Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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