I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
