Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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