don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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