So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
