I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize